What Is Your Story? Why Your Past Doesn’t Define You
- Joyce Ibia
- May 22
- 3 min read
“You are not your past. You are the author of what comes next.”
A few years ago, I worked with someone I’ll call Rachael. She came to coaching feeling stuck. On the outside, everything looked fine. A steady job, decent income, no chaos. But inside, she felt like her life had no meaning.
“I’ve made too many mistakes,” she said.
“I should have figured things out by now.”
So we began with her story.
At first, she could only see what had gone wrong. The career path she abandoned. The relationship that broke her spirit. The shame she’d carried for years.
But slowly, we reframed it.
She didn’t “fail” her career. She outgrew it.
She didn’t “waste” her time. She learned what didn’t align.
Her story didn’t end with her past, it began with her perspective.
Your Past Is Not Your Identity
Some stories we tell ourselves don’t belong to us anymore.
They were written in a season of survival. They were shaped by hurt, fear, and other people’s opinions. But we’ve carried them like truth.
If you’ve ever said, “This is just who I am,” or “It’s too late to change,”
Pause!
That’s not your truth speaking. That’s an old story trying to stay in control.
Here’s what we often forget:
You are allowed to grow out of old versions of yourself.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to heal from things you didn’t cause.
And you are allowed to rewrite the story you've been told.
That’s what self-awareness and coaching help you do:
Separate the facts from the fear.
The memory from the meaning.
The past from the person you're becoming.
A Simple Reflection Exercise
Here’s something I often invite my clients to try:
Think of a story you often repeat about yourself.
Maybe it’s “I always mess things up,” or “I’m not creative,” or “It’s too late for me.”
Write it down.
Now ask yourself:
– Where did I first learn this?
– Who benefits from me believing this?
– What’s also true that I’ve ignored?
Then write a new version—one rooted in self-compassion, not self-judgment.
“I’m not creative” becomes “I never gave myself permission to try.”
“It’s too late for me” becomes “I’m just now choosing to live on my terms.”
It’s a small exercise, but it can shift your mindset.
How Coaching Supports Your New Journey
When you work with a coach, you're not being fixed. You're being witnessed. You're being asked the questions you’ve avoided. You’re invited to unpack the story behind the story.
You gain insights, not just to understand the past, but to transform the future.
Together, we look at:
The beliefs that have kept you repeating the same cycle
The fears that sound like facts
The version of you that’s been waiting to come forward
You don’t need all the answers to begin. You just need a willingness to explore.
Final Thoughts
You are not broken. You are not behind. You are becoming. And every experience you’ve had, good, bad, or confusing has shaped your strength.
If you're ready to stop living in an old chapter, if you're ready to own your next one…
Let’s talk!
For gift ideas and keepsakes that tell a unique story, visit our sister website at Life Story Gifts By PEGGY.
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